It's About Time
"Oh! Do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated by a watch." - Jane Austen
It's hard to believe that I'm already in grade 12, but whether I believe it or not, I am. I still remember looking up to my older cousin Mel when I was in grade 9, thinking she was so mature and had everything figured out. Now my cousin Jared is in grade 9, and maybe he has the same ideas about me. I can certainly clear up at least one of those delusions for him, I definitely don't have everything figured out.
As far as school goes, however, I'm very lucky this year to have classes I'm actually interested in, and peers I really enjoy working with. But God never fails to give me at least one new challenge with each new school year, and it didn't take me long to tag this year's trial. Ironically, it's in the one block of the day I wasn't expecting to have to face any difficulty in - my spare. Although I have one great friend with me, we're outnumbered by the people I usually manage to conveniently avoid, people whose daily conversations can barely resist wandering into subjects such as their great distaste for anything pertaining to religion, and their interest in anything twisted or perverted. I can certainly tell you that if you have the audacity to pray for God to get you out of your comfort zone, He will deliver. Don't get me wrong though, it's not the people I have a problem with, they can really be quite enjoyable, it's mainly more the way they act and the things they say that make this a difficult time for me. I also feel so overwhelmed by the problems I know some of these people suffer through and their intense dislike of anything Godly that makes me wonder where exactly God wants me to start. I just pray that perhaps my actions will speak louder than the words they refuse to hear. I want to show them that the answers to their questions and problems are in the one place they refuse to look. I just hope I can do something right and good with this last year of school.
I remember being young and finding a five minute car ride unbearably long. Now I'm shocked to realize how fast a day, a month or a year can blossom and fade away. I'm a little scared to think how fast time will go a decade from now or longer. Will it always keep passing so quickly when I'd rather it would slow down? My mom once told me that her years of junior high were the best of her life. I think she was saying that to cheer me up and encourage me to make the most of each day, but instead it made me very afraid. I didn't want these days to pass and leave me with the lesser days which followed. For some time in my early teenage years, I began to dread each birthday, feeling that with each year added to my life, something golden in myself was lost. This was something none of my friends could understand, all of them longing for the freedom which came with growing up. It was during this time that the meaninglessness of life hit me like a wall, and I felt very discouraged. It was in this place that I truly met God for the first time after all my years of Sunday School, and discovered that He could make my brief days on earth amount to something that would outlast myself. I also discovered that what was true for my mother was not true for me, though junior high was a fun stage of my life, better days waited ahead, where deeper friendships developed and where my heart truly learned what it is to love. Sorry mom, but you were wrong just this once.
Time always frightens me with how fast it moves. It seems just a moment ago that we were leaving for our Europe trip with high expectations and heavy suitcases, but one look at my very neglected watch is enough to tell me that summer has already come and past, and that this equally neglected journal could use some of my attention.
It's hard to believe that I'm already in grade 12, but whether I believe it or not, I am. I still remember looking up to my older cousin Mel when I was in grade 9, thinking she was so mature and had everything figured out. Now my cousin Jared is in grade 9, and maybe he has the same ideas about me. I can certainly clear up at least one of those delusions for him, I definitely don't have everything figured out.
As far as school goes, however, I'm very lucky this year to have classes I'm actually interested in, and peers I really enjoy working with. But God never fails to give me at least one new challenge with each new school year, and it didn't take me long to tag this year's trial. Ironically, it's in the one block of the day I wasn't expecting to have to face any difficulty in - my spare. Although I have one great friend with me, we're outnumbered by the people I usually manage to conveniently avoid, people whose daily conversations can barely resist wandering into subjects such as their great distaste for anything pertaining to religion, and their interest in anything twisted or perverted. I can certainly tell you that if you have the audacity to pray for God to get you out of your comfort zone, He will deliver. Don't get me wrong though, it's not the people I have a problem with, they can really be quite enjoyable, it's mainly more the way they act and the things they say that make this a difficult time for me. I also feel so overwhelmed by the problems I know some of these people suffer through and their intense dislike of anything Godly that makes me wonder where exactly God wants me to start. I just pray that perhaps my actions will speak louder than the words they refuse to hear. I want to show them that the answers to their questions and problems are in the one place they refuse to look. I just hope I can do something right and good with this last year of school.
I remember being young and finding a five minute car ride unbearably long. Now I'm shocked to realize how fast a day, a month or a year can blossom and fade away. I'm a little scared to think how fast time will go a decade from now or longer. Will it always keep passing so quickly when I'd rather it would slow down? My mom once told me that her years of junior high were the best of her life. I think she was saying that to cheer me up and encourage me to make the most of each day, but instead it made me very afraid. I didn't want these days to pass and leave me with the lesser days which followed. For some time in my early teenage years, I began to dread each birthday, feeling that with each year added to my life, something golden in myself was lost. This was something none of my friends could understand, all of them longing for the freedom which came with growing up. It was during this time that the meaninglessness of life hit me like a wall, and I felt very discouraged. It was in this place that I truly met God for the first time after all my years of Sunday School, and discovered that He could make my brief days on earth amount to something that would outlast myself. I also discovered that what was true for my mother was not true for me, though junior high was a fun stage of my life, better days waited ahead, where deeper friendships developed and where my heart truly learned what it is to love. Sorry mom, but you were wrong just this once.
posted by Leanne @ 12:09 p.m.
4 comments
