Sweet Sorrow

"... for if joy is a fountain which rises in the sun, its springs are in the wells of sorrow unfathomed at the foundations of the earth." - J.R.R Tolkien

Some days you can't help but smile. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and everything is going your way - you're on top of the world. Other days, you're so low that a smile seems like a cruel mockery of your pains. You feel trapped in the valley of despair, and you're sure no one cares. Funny how it seems the sweetest joy rises from the ashes of deepest sorrow.

I've been there. I've stood under the crippling weight of sorrow and wondered why I should go on. For months, I hardly said a word to anyone. I was hardly more than a bitter shell of a girl. No wonder I could feel no joy; there was no room for it in my anger-filled heart. I felt lost in a darkness so much bigger than myself. I was battered and beaten, and no wonder, because character isn't shaped without a fight. Throughout this time, God was near to me; destroying my bitterness and self-pity, and guiding me not to focus on my disabilities, but on my abilities. He was preparing me for something, but at the time I would never have guessed how wonderful that something would be.

I can still recall when that black night lifted. God sent me a light - whose name was Marc. Patiently, he counselled and encouraged me, and saved me from my worst enemy- myself. Of all the people God's hand has graciously placed in my life, none have blessed me and changed me the way Marc has.

Before either of us knew how we felt about eachother, I had prayed a brave prayer: for Marc to find the best girl in the world, who would love him purely, bring him joy and devote herself to him, even if it meant that he would never love me in return. Little did I know what a tall order I had placed on myself! That time of utter despair helped me get one small step closer to answering that prayer. It was those tears of sorrow which now are the spring to a fountain of joy.